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Going through a break-up is never pleasant. The feelings that a break-up elicits range from being traumatized, to agonised to numbness, to sporadic bursts of crying and emotionality. It involves tons of “Why’s?”, “Wasn’t I good enough?”, “Where did I go wrong?”, “My life is over” etc..
Even if a break-up is initiated by you in order to get out of a toxic or harmful relationship, you still go through feelings of guilt, or vacillate between letting go, or giving it another go. It is not easy to get used to being without the person you’ve been around for a while; with whom you’ve shared intimate details of your life.
But as Rupi Kaur puts it in her collection of poems, Milk and Honey – “You have to stop searching for why at some point. You have to leave it alone.”
Now that’s the difficult part – the test of endurance; and you have to make sure that you, slowly but surely, get past this ‘trial by fire’. There could be immense progress followed by a drop in morale over a period of time, a series of ups-and-downs, but it could help to follow a few basic points.
- Reach out and connect with friends – Friends are a shoulder to cry on, and with the insightful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes nonsensical ‘gyaan’ accompanied by a handy box of tissues, they make you forget things, at least for the moment! Gradual phases of forgetting or putting the ordeal at the back of your mind does work, and slowly but steadily it doesn’t hurt anymore.
- Accept social invitations – You can let yourself grieve a bit, but then you need to ‘move on’ for your physical and mental well-being. Go out and meet people. It might be challenging, and you would have to push yourself to do it, but going out for a party, a dinner, clubbing or an excursion can help you make new friends and meet new people. Initially, you may feel pangs of guilt for going out and socializing when you’d rather wallow in grief but go out anyway.
- Get some exercise – Look after yourself and your body. Eat healthy, pamper yourself, go for that walk/run. Join a yoga/Zumba/Pilates class. Get a manicure, a facial, a haircut. Hit the gym…whatever works. When you focus on taking care of yourself, it enhances your self-image and self-worth which has taken a beating during the break-up.
- Remove / Unfollow your ex on social media – Since social media, today, is in-your-face, you could encounter your ex every time you check your social media. That could drag you into the throes of agony, anger or betrayal. Getting rid of all traces of them on your social media accounts saves you the heartache and the temptation of wanting to know what they are doing. It is challenging, but the agony of not knowing is definitely less painful than a constant obsession about their activities.
- Get involved with work and hobbies – Throwing yourself into work serves as a distraction, and the hard work you put in will surely bear fruit. Doing well in your career gives you an emotional boost and motivates you to work harder. In tandem with that, follow your aspirations, interests and hobbies – go learn that new skill, take that long awaited holiday, write that journal, read that book, rediscover yourself…
